Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Images from Christmas' Past - and our 20 week surprise
Because I haven't bothered to figure out how to get the photos off the borrowed camera I used during this year's Christmas, I'll regale you with images of years gone by.
On Christmas Eve morning Matt and I went to have the 20 week ultrasound of our baby. While we were waiting for the ultrasound all of the sudden we realized that this pregnancy COULD be a boy. Even though we were so sure it wasn't. However, if it were a boy, we were not prepared with a name for him- and we'd never not had a name prepared going in to a 20 week ultrasound. We had settled on a girl's name so quickly that there seemed to be no other option. Right there, in a dimly lit room, in about thirty seconds Matt and I decided on a boys name- if we needed it. We knew we wouldn't. As we said the name out loud, Matt acknowledged that it felt good. I agreed. Knowing that we wouldn't need it.
We opted to have the gender be kept secret until we could watch the DVD with the kids on the next morning, on Christmas.
I definitely don't have any photos of that event, as I spent a good portion of the morning in tears about it. Matt and I were so sure this pregnancy was going to give us a little girl. I was heartbroken for a bit. I know there are those out there thinking that I should be grateful that I am pregnant and that's it's healthy. And I am. But there was a large part of my heart that was set on welcoming another baby girl. It isn't as though I didn't want a boy at all, I just really was aching for a girl. I had connected with this pregnancy as though it were a little girl. I felt like I'd lost... something.
That being said, I really am happy to be having a little boy. As I was trying to reconcile my brain and my heart with this news I watched my Parker playing so happily with a new toy. All the joy in the world lit up those eyes of his, he said something funny (I don't know what), and I melted a little bit. Having another boy will be wonderful! It'll be fun, and messy, and loud, and hysterical, and rough, and I can't wait for Parker to have a little buddy. He needs a little buddy.