Saturday, August 14, 2010

Thoughts on Ooblick

I just read an interesting post.

She's a brand new, first time mom. Her babe is only six weeks old. The post describes how in theory postpartum only lasts for six weeks and how she is struggling to become that mom. You know, the mom that has it all together (seemingly, I doubt that any mom always has it all together- except maybe my Grandma Lowe). She has her children scheduled, behaved, polite, etc. Definitely I think it's something that we strive for, in one way or another.

So, this new mom is only six weeks out, obviously most of you moms are thinking exactly what I was thinking, "First, relax. Second, relax. Third, turn off Google and just let your baby, be a baby." Remember the saying, "Babies don't come with instruction manuals?" Of course they don't! Babies, just like small children to adults are individuals. There is no one-size-fits all method.

This mom speaks to me because she said, word for word, exactly what I thought to myself multiple times a day when I've had a newborn: "I feel like everyone else takes on the role of motherhood with a lot more grace, but I am doing my best." From the depths of my soul I feel this statement. I feel like new moms are just expected to know. And probably, most of us do...ish. I did not adjust to motherhood with grace, it was more like a tornado had just happened and I was swept up in it, very Dorothy-from-The-Wizard-of-Oz like. Most days it was all I could do to keep my feet beneath me and my head on top of me.

Postpartum lasting only six weeks! Pah! Parker is five months old and I'm still trying to settle into a groove. I've heard many moms say they didn't start feeling like they had a handle on life until nine months or more had passed.

I've decided that Super-Mommy-Hood is like ooblick. As soon I feel I have it, it changes and I don't. Some of the remnants do get left on my hands though and that's good. But for the most part It's elusive, it's messy, and it's hard nearly impossible to figure out the perfect recipe. Certainly it's there, but not as a solid entity. Parents have to be able to change and adapt to these small creatures that change so much every single day. So, here's what I say about motherhood: Aim for really good ooblick. It's okay that it everyone's recipe is different.


Marci said...

Amen. I agree that it takes about 9 months to feel like I have resurfaced. The months leading up to that are me fighting to the surface to gasp for a breathe and then being sucked back down into the depths. Once I realized this (it wasn't until number 4) I enjoyed the murky waters of the first 9 months a lot more, because I knew that it wouldn't last forever. The only thing that happens by 6 weeks is that your uterus has gone back to it's original size and some MEN in government decided that means life should be normal and you can go back to work.

Sarah said...

zbery profound! I'd never thought of that analogy before, but it definitely fits. Oh, and I agree about Grandma Lowe. Don't we all aim to be her?

Tracy said...

I think the real supermoms know that we can learn a lot from each other without making unrealistic comparisons. They recognize their own strengths and weaknesses and try to be the best mother they can within them. Then they have the wisdom to forgive themselves for where they've personally fallen short today and get up tomorrow and start again.

The Kari said...

Well written Mel. Really. That's exactly what it's like and I couldn't have put it better myself. Thanks for being 'that' person who tells it like it is for so many mothers. I admire your spirit.