Saturday, February 6, 2010

Unworthy Moms Anonymous

I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I don't know how to handle two kids. I can't even think of it. I know, "Ready or not," right? Lately I've just been feeling really terrified of the whole thing. This baby does not have to come yet. I'm really concerned that I won't be the mom he deserves. I'm not even the mom Leah deserves.

I've been pretty depressed lately. I don't think I can solely blame it on the weather. Although maybe the weather is one contributing factor. I blame it on the notion that I know how hard it is to have kids. It's hard. Really hard. I have a hard time functioning as the mom of Leah, how can I function with twice that amount? Adding to that depression, I feel completely guilty that I don't want this baby born. I want to keep him safe and sound inside my body where he gets all the nutrition and constant love he needs.

I don't know how to do this.

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